May 28, 1997 - Non Start and Regroup

970528...Didn't do 3. Ship out 970602 if I can do 3 by then.
I ended yesterday's journal entry stating that I could do it "with God's help." So, first of all, I'd like to point out that my inability to complete 3 pull-ups is not an indication that God failed me or does not exist. It's not even an indication that I lacked enough faith. While I do sincerely believe that God could have made me able to do 3 pull-ups by some miraculous work, I also believe that He usually chooses to use normal means to accomplish His will. It's the same reason that, though I believe God has the ability to save me and my children in the event of a car accident, I still choose to use seat belts.

When I was unable to do 3 pull-ups the next day, I wasn't really surprised. I'm not exactly an expert in fitness and working out, but I can say with some certainty that sitting around worrying all day does not usually build up a great deal of muscle.

My recruiter came back to the recruiting depot and took me home. I can remember feeling pretty ashamed of myself. After all, literally everyone I knew, knew I was supposed to have been headed off to boot camp. Now, I was going to come back home and have to explain to everyone why that wasn't the case. Before dropping me off at home, SSgt. L_____ made a plan for me for the upcoming week: we would meet up twice each day and work out. We would run, do sit-ups, lift weights, and of course, pull-ups. Then, I would attempt to ship out again on June 2. If I couldn't do 3 pull-ups then, that would be it. My career in the Marines would be over before it had begun. Normally, this wouldn't be the case; a typical enlistee would have been able to go back week after week, trying to pass the Initial Strength Test, and head to boot camp once he was successful. For me, though, this was it. As you'll recall from the introduction, I enlisted in the delayed entry program. This meant that sometime in the year after I enlisted I had to actually go to boot camp. Well, the date of my original enlistment was June 3, 1996. So June 2 was literally the last possible day for me to go. Yay procrastination!

I spent the week working out as planned and helping some family friends move. It wasn't nearly the shame-filled week I had feared it would be. Instead, it gave me a chance to actually process what was about to happen and to prepare myself mentally, even as SSgt. L_____ helped me to prepare myself physically.

In the first few pages of my journal, my parents wrote bible verses and letters to encourage me as I headed off to boot camp. My mom wrote one more note to encourage me after having spent an additional week at home, and I think it perfectly expresses the feeling of having had that extra time:
Dear Warren - I'm so glad God sent you back home this week - I have much more peace about you going than I did last week. I hope you're feeling ok too. Just know that you are very loved and have lots of friends + family praying for you and "pulling" for you. I'm so proud of you - whether or not you do 3 pull-ups! Remember that you are God's child and bring honor and glory to Him every day. He is your strength your hope and your salvation! I love you so much and I can hardly wait to come to your graduation. please write soon and often. Love, Mom

 

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